Live your life now

 

I believe that in life, everything is organized in such a clever way that everything is connected. Imagine a great spider web. All the fine silk threads are connected to each other. If we touch one place, it can be felt another. We are all connected by invisible silk threads. When things don't work in one place, it will affect the overall picture. Sometimes the disturbances are so well hidden – even to ourselves – that we on the surface cannot understand why we do not achieve success.

Since we are connected to each other – and as such with the whole universe – our success affects the success and joy of others, and their success will in turn automatically have a positive effect on us. When we respect, accept and love ourselves, we can respect and accept others, because we are part of the unified whole. Our fellow women and men and we are all connected.

What is the most important in life: joy, harmony, love, good relations with people, and satisfaction with what we do. It's a shame that our view on the values of life often is focused on form instead of content. But we are creatures of the world we live in – influenced by materialism, power demonstrations and competition.

I have wondered why we have such a hard time ”loving ourselves”. Just telling yourself that creates big problems. Maybe we are raised in such a way that such a thing is not said to oneself, because it is selfish. What a load of rubbish. If we don't love ourselves, how can we expect others to love us? If we are not worthy of love in our own eyes, then we might as well admit to ourselves that we shouldn't expect the love of others.

And we all want love, whether it comes from a relationship, from children, etcetera. When we accept to love ourselves, then we can love other people, animals and nature – everything around us. Tolerance and patience with others comes automatically and we become more positive. A negative outlook on oneself basically stems from the fact that no-one should feel special. Preferably, everybody should belong to the same greyish blob of well-adjusted individuals. Forget all that. We have developed beyond ”The Law of Jante”. We are all special and nobody is expendable.

When we send positive thoughts or help others, we ourselves receive a small ”gift”. Maybe not immediately  for there is no such thing as immediate payback. We might be disappointed if it is not received at once. But be sure it will come in due time.

When we neither in thought, speech or in actions de-value or judge those we are with, we create a positive atmosphere. It is as contagious as a virus, but much more pleasant.

So – All you send out will return to you.

It isn't always that we like another person and the way the person acts, but we are not to take responsibility for that person, and we are not to be that person’s ”judge”.

We create our own reality. It's not always pleasant to know this, because it also means taking responsibility for our own lives. Everything we experience and all the situations we end up in are the result of our emotions, thoughts and convictions. Our thoughts form and affect us a lot more than we are aware of. None of us is just an unhappy victim of circumstance.

We create our own lives. It's a difficult thing to admit, that we've helped create the life we lead, and that we are in charge of our own lives. It would be easier if others were responsible for all those things which failed and we only were responsible for our successes. When we know that we create our own reality, then:

-         you are the one responsible for what happens to you in your life

-         you are the only one who can make it better

-         you are the only one who knows what you want

A tough nut to crack. It would be fun if others could guess what we wanted and then took care of it for us. Then we could live happily ever after. And once they were at it, it would be nice if they removed all blocks and unpleasantnesses from the past. Then we could handle the rest. But it's not like that. We have to help ourselves.

The more negative thoughts and emotions we send out, the worse it becomes. It's self-perpetuating. Some people in my circle of acquaintances do not permit themselves to live happy and harmonic lives. Their expectations are often very negative.

They are convinced that all the good things in life never happen to them. They remember all the ugly incidents – all the times they were wounded, treated unfairly, where their expectations were put to shame, etc.

Often these are incidents that have happened more than 10 or 20 years ago. Every time one tries to guide them back into the present, the spectre of the past rears its ugly head again. These people live so much in the past, that there is no room for the ”now” and yet they still do not understand why so few positive things happen in their lives. Why do we react this way? How much time do we use on again and again working on situations where someone said or did something against us?

We use all our energy on the person involved. I'm not saying that we should forget the incident, the anger or the wounds it caused, but that we should let it go and start spending time and energy on ourselves. The past we can use as lessons learned in ”the school of life” - learn from them and move on. Use it positively in life from now on, not let the clouds of the past control the present and future.

An obstacle to achieving success in any given area is often that we carry a burden around: a ”suitcase full of dirty clothes” which keep us from reaching our goals. It's connected to the experiences we've had before – perhaps even during childhood. That pattern will repeat itself if we don't ”open the suitcase” and ”wash the dirty clothes”. All those experiences, good as well as bad, give us knowledge which helps make us the people we are today. We can't do without them and without experiences we can't learn anything. Life is a school and the more we learn the more exciting life is.

Actually, one could choose to live a completely passive life without challenges and just do what is necessary. We could choose to sit in a room and watch TV most of the time.

If necessary we could go to the nearest ”Netto” and shop, so that we wouldn't die from hunger (if we didn't die from boredom before that). We could stop seeing other people, so no one would disappoint us. No one to criticize us, and no reason for being angry or mad. We would survive without confrontation. Probably an ”ideal, calm and safe existence”. Such a life is ours to choose, but a driving force pushes us in another direction and we engage in all sorts of things. The greater the diversity in activities the more challenges on the road and the more experiences we get.

Some of us expect that when we are happy, kind and friendly, we will be met by sympathy and kindness wherever we go – but it is then we must remember that reality is subjective and that everybody has their own experience of it, and their own harmonic and disharmonic way of thinking and living.

Maybe they cannot abstain from showing anger or bitterness, and maybe by accident we are caught in their line of fire and are hit. But we don't have to be hit. There is nothing wrong with us. We can't make everyone happy with the way we live. We can't all have the same taste in clothing, food, interior decorating, raising children, etc.. We can't count on being accepted by everyone or that everyone will like us or agree with us. That is utopia.
 
When we improve our life, we become happier and more harmonic, and it will ”rub off” on our surroundings. When problems arise, be they private or at work, it is tempting to take the easy way out and pack everything and disappear. Some of us know it from our private life – divorce for example. Often – strangely enough – when you've been on ”the new fields” with a feeling of joy and freshness for some time, you'll be stuck in the same situation again. And after some years you'll feel a victim of circumstances, unjustly treated and unhappy – a half person.

With great disappointment one realizes that it doesn't work. We are captured in a pattern. It's the same pattern we've been captured in before, and if we don't do anything about it, the pattern will repeat itself. It becomes tempting to choose the easy solution for ”solving” problems – running away. But they catch up on us. We have to (even though it might be unpleasant) find out why we choose this pattern. It may be connected to experiences we don't even focus on in the now, experiences well hidden by time. Often it is a product of our youth (childhood or puberty). When we've solved that riddle, we can change the pattern and continue towards success.

If you ask me, the same thing applies to other areas of our life – for example how we feel at work. I'm not saying that we should be happy and content always. We can't smile broadly when something undesired happens, or when our limits are reached. We all make demands and we have to send clear signals about what is acceptable to us.

But some people choose the pattern I've mentioned – where dissatisfaction is solved by running away and sticking their heads into the bushes as an ostrich (see no evil, hear no evil). They don't try to figure out why they've ended up in trouble, and they don't have the will to do anything about it. There are some who (weirdly enough) will spent years and years complaining – and preferably in secret – about the state of things at their workplace while still staying on.

Aren't these a bit masochist tendencies? I'm just asking. And – in my opinion – that's wasting your energy, because if we don't come out in the open with our criticism and try to do something about changing things, we can complain forever without moving a single step forward. And if so, we surely cannot be successful.

Good advice, I make use of myself

          I put words on my dissatisfaction

          What have I done to make me feel better?

          What can I do, and what will I do?

Often I realize that there aren't so many problems, and that I both can and will do something about those that exist. Already at the point where I acknowledge my role in a given problem, I feel like at least a kilo has been taken off my shoulders. Sadly enough, this isn't reflected when I step up on scales.
 
There should be a place for those who actually ”feel well” in a ”victim's role” and their pattern is simply to be dissatisfied. With some it can become an entire life style. It can be very social. You have something in common. It can create a sort of safe feeling spending time with people who feel as miserable as you do yourself. Then we can agree and understand each other. An optimist would spoil the cosy atmosphere. There should be a place for those too. We are all different, and here maybe we can contribute with our enthusiasm and affect their outlook on life. Wouldn't it be a success seeing a fellow human being becoming more positive, and more in harmony with both the world and themselves?

Anger, hate, jealousy and envy create only negative experiences for us. A negative attitude attracts more negative results. These feelings are brought into life when we are dissatisfied with our situation and therefore with ourselves. Anger is present, when our expectations to ourselves and others are not fulfilled – when wishes are not carried out. Those we are angry at are usually unaware of it, so the anger is of more concern to us than it is to them – and anger is very destructive to our inner harmony.

But anger is also a very important process, and I'm not saying that we should walk around eternally joyous and react to everything with a big smile. I have been angry many, many times, and I will continue to be so in the future, but I've learned to get over it, and after having felt it (take all the time you need) being able to get on with my life. I don't want to keep that anger and nurse it for the rest of my life. It doesn't ”pay off”, and costs way too much energy.

I've also learned to forgive in order to feel good. I am not a martyr. I can and want to feel good. It's a very simple calculation. If I can't forgive, I might as well face the fact that all the positive things in my life will be missing. I will use all my energy on strengthening the negative influences. I will live in the misery that is now past. To that I say no thanks. I may be deprived of the sympathy of others: ”Oh, it's a pity about her”, but that's no big deal.

Anger, not forgiveness, ruins our chances of a harmonic and happy life, and it strongly affects our health. The mental life, our mental state of mind affects our body and our cells. In the end the body can't resist the bombardment of negative thoughts and expectations and simply gives up. It reacts more and more negatively. I think that many serious physical illnesses are the consequence of our mental state.

Open your mind to the positive. Let joy have a permanent place in your heart and enjoy life from now on.

DO IT!

Thank you for the time you have spent reading these pages.

The warmest greetings

Jolanta